*sigh*

I didn’t get out of the bed today. I just read a romance novel which further depressed me.

*sigh*

I didn’t apply for one single job because I feel like nobody ever see my applications anyway.

I ate crap and over did it with Reese’s pieces and milk duds last night.

I forgot to refill my water pill prescription. I’m not claiming high blood pressure but I still need to take it.

I’m stressed and probably need to get laid but oh wait, i don’t have a man.

I’m realizing that I’m over cautious these days and it’s scary when your 51 yr old mother is more adventurous.

I wonder if I’ll feel better after I type this

My damn car won’t pass emissions and I’ve already put money into it that I don’t have.

I’m scared of running out of money before I find a job.

When will I leave home and live my own life

I constantly am feeling compared to my mother in looks and sounding like her. I think I can imagine how twins feel when wanting to find their own identity separate from the other.

I want to be sickeningly in love. The kind of mushy madness that makes everyone around me gag. I want to be so far in love, I get cavaties from my own damn sweetness.

Will I publish this?

What is really going on here. What do I want to do?

I need to apply for some freelance photography work after my car gets fixed.

I have a motivation/vision board on my wall…I rarely look at it.

I wonder if I’ve gotten it all out?

I have a piece of art a classmate created from a compact mirror I carry with a rose on it. She got a shadow box, made the backing a mirrow, glued a paper rose she made petal by petal, then jagged pieces of glass are suspended as if they are stabbing the rose but the rose is thriving despite the harsh environment. It can be empowering one moment and sad the next. It describes me to a T. I was moved. I don’t think she’ll ever know how much.

I check facebook way too much.

I tried to go to church last sunday. Wasn’t feeling it. I believe God but I think I really am done with organized religion.

I haven’t seriously prayed in awhile. Maybe I should start…

St. Thomas USVI was the best beach I’ve been to in life. The one by the airport. I want to go back.

I thought redecorating my room in happier colors would help my mood. It has somewhat but not like I thought but I bought all this paint for some furniture, gotta use it.

Why do roaches come out once you’ve cleaned?

Tomorrow will be a better day.

I don’t want to waste my life.

I’ll be  27 in a month and some change. This is not where I expected to be.

I frear I won’t ever been in a real relationship. I may wind up a spinster with 2 pitbulls, 5 yorkies and a daschund named Sir Barksalot…I don’t really like cats….

I don’t know why I think things will be magically better if I moved to another city. Oh wait…there aren’t any jobs.

I haven’t figured out if I regret withdrawing from school. I couldn’t see spending all that money on another bachelors degree.

I don’t know how to flirt. I missed all that stuff in middle school. My innocence was stolen at young age, so I didn’t do the normal relating to the opposite sex.

Did I just type that. Yes, I did. If you figure it out, whatever…

This is getting long…

Quarter life crisis is REAL.

Maybe I should go overseas to teach English

I keep having dreams about my teeth cracking and falling out. Wonder what that means?

It’s almost 2 am and I’m still up. This is what unemployment does to you.

Am I lazy? I don’t know

I’m gonna end it now.

~R….life sucks right now

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